Pain

I haven't written on this blog for a while and I guess that's good since no body really reads it. I think the stress of life has finally got to me so much that this is my only outlet now. It's hard when you have days that you don't know if you can make it through the next hour with out internally combusting let alone to the end of the day. I have to admit that sleep seems to be my only escape so I use it a lot. I wish I could just find a way to love life again even with all it's stresses, but all that is happening is just tolerating. The hard part is watching my beautiful boys suffer through Mommy's moods not know anything about adult stresser's. I'm sure some times they wonder if they are the cause for my sadness. I wish I could buck up for their sakes. I've tried to think about them but all that does is overwhelm me all over again and remind me of every way I'm failing. I feel like I'm dieing inside and there is nothing I can do about it. Some day's I wonder if I am and I just don't know it yet.